Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
