Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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