i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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