I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You've changed since you got that strap on
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
