This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
