hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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