I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
