...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
