i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
