Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
