I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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