is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
