Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
