Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
4 words: hood of his car
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
