Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
