i just made my gag reflex go away.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
