She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
