used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
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It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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