I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
