come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
