An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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