He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
