My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
