As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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