He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
