The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just want to make out with him forever
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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