billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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