An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
