And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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