It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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