I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
