can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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