Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
