I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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