i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
