"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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