Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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