Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
