Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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