I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
