I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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