I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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