He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
