yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
