Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
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Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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