He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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