Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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