Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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