So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
