i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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