All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
