even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
