i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
