i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
