he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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