Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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