i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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