I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
