i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
