I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
