Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
