I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm both gender and math confused
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