You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
